Thriving in Singledom

Three years ago I thought I had it all figured out, but in reality I had no idea what lie ahead. I was in a relationship with the man of my dreams and I just knew we were going to be together forever. Fast forward a year later, I was single, lost, and looking for the wrong things to fill the void in my heart. Healing takes time and that's something I had to learn the hard way. It took me jumping into a situationship and getting my heart ripped in pieces to realize that I was still broken...my heart was still very fragile and essentially I had not healed from past trauma.

I was afraid of being alone and the mere thought of not having someone special to spend birthdays and holidays with made me sad. I never imagined myself being single at this point in my life. No more caking on the phone or waking up to cute good morning texts, just me, myself, and I. This was a hard truth I had to accept, but it took some time because truth is, I didn't know how to be single. I'm actually still learning!! First things first, the overthinking had to STOP. No more thinking about "what if" and how things could have been different. Dwelling on the one thing that I could not change left me stuck in a dark place. The only way out was facing reality, realizing what went wrong in the past, accepting what I could not change, and moving forward differently.

Finding things to distract my overly anxious mind wasn't hard, it was actually very easy to keep myself busy. But what happens when you stop for a split second and let your thoughts come together, or when it's late at night and you're up because you can't sleep. It's easy to get consumed in overthinking and makes it that much harder to heal. But this also makes it easy for another person to come into your life and distract you, a distraction you don't need when you're trying to focus on healing. But it all sounds good right? A new boo, someone with potential; thinking of all the things that he could be before you really even get to know him. So now the focus isn't on myself and my healing anymore, it's on this new found distraction that presented itself. It was so easy for me to slip back into that pattern whenever I met someone new and each time it led to a downward spiral of my feelings being hurt because I was scared of being single and alone (a fate that no one but myself came up with).

So when it doesn't work out with the distractions that tried to waltz their way into your life, you're forced to start back at square one and do the real soul work. And that's exactly what I did...granted it took a break up, a failed situationship, and several breadcrumb men for me to finally make a decision for ME. Putting all my time, focus, and energy into finding love instead of actually loving my life was only hurting me in the long run. I didn't want to find myself back in that dark place again and knew that if I wanted something different, I had to do something different. Realizing there was nothing wrong with being single and working on my self-improvement and goals was almost invigorating for me.

Hobbies! We all have them. I recently got back into reading and find myself taking more and more trips to Barnes and Nobles (soon I'll have a whole list of books to recommend to y'all). I currently spend my free time in the mornings meditating and listening to podcasts that feed into my soul. I love watching Youtube videos as well and found some great channels that have been motivating me, empowering me, and speaking truth I can relate to. I'm trying to be more active on my blog because I really do find writing therapeutic and think of it as my new creative outlet (also if you're not following my instagram page for my blog, click here) I enjoy filling in my readers on my ups and downs of this life because truth is, whatever I may be going through or have experienced, can help someone else going through the same. Between getting back into a few of my favorite hobbies, working full time, studying part time, getting ready for grad school, it's like.....who got time for a man??

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Thriving in singledom is knowing what you want out of life and working on you. Not waiting around for the right person to come along, or dwelling on what never went right with the people in the past. It's making decisions for you, doing what makes you happy, and focusing on your goals in life. I have so much going for myself, better yet I have so many PLANS for myself and know that as I continue on this single journey, God will reveal what was always for me.

Thriving in singledom is being sooo about you that you don't even have time to entertain anyone that isn't adding to you or the lifestyle you're trying to manifest. Are you helping me grow as a woman? Are you encouraging me in my studies/journey to becoming a doctor? Or are you just trying to waste my time, because that's what we're not going to do in 2021. #Respectively

Thriving in singledom is when you know your value and what you have to offer. You get to be picky about who you spend your time with, who you give your energy to, and who you want to let into your life because baby you are THE ULTIMATE PRIZE!!!!

She remembered who she was and the game changed😉

Virtually Yours,

SNT