Friendships: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

I'm here to spill all the tea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just kidding, I'm really not. But I will say that this post will be one dedicated to my experiences with friendships and everything that comes along with them. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

The Good

We'll start with the good part about friendships. I value my 3 best friends and my close group of girlfriends so much. Our friendships date back to middle school, college, and my adulthood. They've been there for me through the tears and through the laughs and I'm grateful to have such a strong circle of women in my life. A circle that supports and uplifts one another because honestly that's what friendships are all about. Now a days it's hard to find genuine friends so really value the ones you have in your life now! If they're good ones of course! So let's talk about the qualities of a good friend!

• SUPPORT SUPPORT SUPPORT!!!!! If they're not supportive, as Jamaican's would say...dash em weh!(throw them away). Because honey this is 2022 and it's been rough out here for everyone. So be there for yourself but still show up for your friends in whatever way you can. Support can be shown a multitude of ways so there really is no excuse. That could be a phone call, a facetime, a text, a friend date, a "I'm thinking of you", a "I'm proud of you...the list could really go on. Then there's social media of course and right now in this day and age, social media is HUGE. So maybe you have a friend that is the owner of a small business and they're promoting all over social media. That repost or purchase from their new business could mean the world to them. Or maybe you have a friend like me who's a blogger, so taking the 5 mins out your day to read what it is they're passionate about, could mean the world to them. Or maybe they're a youtuber and watching that new video could.....okay you get it! Lol so support support support.

• TRUST!!!!!!! This is the one. There's not one healthy friendship or even relationship out there that doesn't involve trust. You NEED this. If I have to think about whether or not I can trust you, you're not a friend. Maybe you're an acquaintance though! You know, someone you know but don't consider a close friend. Someone you can go grab drinks with or hang out with through mutual friends but don't trust enough to be telling your business to. Trust in a friendship means I can vent to you about something going on in my life and I don't have to worry about it being thrown back in my face, used against me, or taken to someone else out of spite.

• LOYALTY LOYALTY LOYALTY....Who can you call that will drop what they're doing to help you out and your situation? Hmmm that might make you think a little. I can say with confidence, my friends are down to ride to the very end. I'm doing whatever I can to be there for them when they need me and vice versa. Through thick and thin no matter the situation, a real friend will not leave you hanging. If you're going through a breakup, divorce, financial hardships, death, medical issues, or struggling with your mental health to name a few...you should have friends that you can call to help you through that rough patch. If I can't call you or text, or communicate with you about something DEEP, again probably just an acquaintance.

The Bad

Okay so now you know a few characteristics of what makes someone a good friend. So we're going to talk about the bad. Disagreements happen because we're human and sometimes we make mistakes or don't communicate the way we should. But there's a very thin line between this because you can disagree with a friend and make up depending on the situation in my opinion. I would never be okay with someone being taken advantage of or going through the same issues consistently with no resolution. For disagreements, I think it's always best to see if from the other person's point of view because it's so easy to get stuck in your own way of thinking. Also, leave your emotions out of it because that will only make things worse. If this is someone you consider a friend, you don't want to say something in the heat of the moment that you'll regret later on.

The Ugly

Friendships can go from bad to ugly real quick and make you wonder if that person was ever really your friend to begin with. I've had my fair share of fallout with women for a variety of different reasons. As you get older, you realize that everyone is not your cup of tea and that's okay! Some people come into your life to simply speak negativity over every move you try and make. Stay away from "friends" like these. As a friend, I'm not going to be negative or pessimistic when it comes to a goal that's trying to be reached no matter what the situation. But there are really people out there that want you to sit with them in their misery. People will also come into your life pretending it's all love but in reality it's all jealousy. Jealousy is an ugly trait and most times, there's no real reason behind the jealousy. That person just may not like where they are in life and maybe you have something that they don't. There's also "friends" who want you to be stuck where they are in life. The minute you start moving on up the ladder, their true colors will show. Stay away from the people who thought you couldn't make it to the top.

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Friendships should never be one sided, they should never be draining, and you should never be giving more than you’re receiving. If you’re feeling like this, it’s time to reevaluate! Everything should be 50/50 because if I’m being more of a friend to you than you are to me, I’m eventually going to resent you for that. Sometimes all we need to do is speak up because again communication is key. Maybe the other person doesn’t know how you feel or whatever they did wasn't intentional. In my experience with this, I've lost a friend over something I didn’t know I did. Looking back and putting myself in their shoes, I can see how they would’ve felt the way that they did but it was never spoken about. Instead they chose to never speak to me again. A friendship lost over not wanting to communicate. One thing I make sure I do now, is to communicate with my friends because at the end of the day I love them. As uncomfortable as it may be at times, I do it because I care. So if you don’t care enough to communicate or fix the issue, that right there tells you everything.

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It's so easy to throw around the word friend; even I'm guilty of using it too often. I had to reevaluate a lot of the relationships in my life and figure out who could really hold up that friend title. Needless to say, I love my girls and I'm glad I've found my tribe because we all need a supportive group of friends in life. No jealousy, just loyalty, loads of support, and laughter. We may have ups and downs but it's never anything too big to handle. True friends are rare so if you've got a couple good ones in your life, hang onto them. Mend the friendships that are still worth fighting for or the ones that maybe drifted apart. We're far from perfect and we all make mistakes, but there are people out there who really are worth it. Just like any other relationship, friendships require some work. I hope this post gave you the motivation to work a little harder in your friendships or maybe even evaluate the ones you're questioning. I'll leave you with this:

Virtually Yours,

SNT